Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
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Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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