so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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