I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
