yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
