Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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