just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
