ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
