If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
please come you make the beer taste better
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
