Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We left the knife in your bed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
