The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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