Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
