I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
