every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
