It's Friday. Sex?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
