I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.