Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.