You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
I have a yeast infection.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???