I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.