i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
