I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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