The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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