it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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