I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
