I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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