Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
