I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
