i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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