i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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