He uses pillows to masturbate.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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