His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
