i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
be right there i have to get my cape
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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