everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
