stop calling my apartment porn island.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
