Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
