I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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