Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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