I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
