Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
