You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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