so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
