Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he thought i was a dude.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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