The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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