last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
