Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
