but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
