He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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