If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
