Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
