Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
