I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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