a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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