His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You are the jesus of drinking
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
