It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
