You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
