Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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