If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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