where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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