Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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