It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
