I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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