Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
