you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
