guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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