College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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