Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
