just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
