Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
