remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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