a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
