That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
