Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize