I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
