Duck Duck Cougar?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
