I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
