ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
