you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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